Tuesday, February 1, 2011

If I'm Being Honest

I met my parents in Destin today to let our 
daughter spend a couple days with them.
She was excited. 
They were excited. 
Heck, I was excited!

On my way home, I had to stop by Panama City Beach to do an insurance inspection. 
Everyone knows I'm not good with directions. 
So, I missed my turn onto the road where the inspection was. 
I was a little ticked upset at myself. 
You see, they're doing construction on the beach right now, so it's an act of Congress to turn around. It took me literally 10 minutes just to find a place to turn around and then make it back to the road I needed. 

When I finally reached the road I needed, I saw police lights flashing. 
I thought they were doing a license "check point" and my first thoughts weren't nice since I'd already put myself behind schedule for the day.  This is just what I needed.

As I approached the flashing lights I told the trooper that I was going into the subdivision at the end of the road for an inspection. He told me to drive through the police cars and go ahead slowly. 

Weird. That was too easy. 
As I slowly drove past the four police cars with flashing lights, I saw a motorcycle laying on the ground. Then I noticed the huge tree right beside the motorcycle. 
And as I passed the police car by the tree, the white sheet caught my eye. I won't go into details, but it was like a scene out of a movie. 

My breath left my body and I immediately started praying for that mans family. And then I thanked God that my 9 year old was not in the truck with me today. 

After calling to check on my husband, calling to check on my daughter and pulling over to compose myself a few times .... I had a talk with my truck walls. 

If I'm being honest, I just don't understand. 

I don't understand how my cousin, Angel, could lose her dad to cancer last year, when she was only 30.
I don't understand how my cousin, Jenn, could lose her baby girl, Makenna, days before her due date.
I don't understand how my friend Susan lost her husband to cancer last year when he had two girls still in elementary school.  
I don't understand how a man driving a motorcycle could take a slight turn, lose control, and his life is ended instantly.
I don't understand how a young Navarre high school senior, full of promise, lost his battle with cancer this week.
I don't understand how my friend Tracy lost her baby girl, Kristin, during her delivery.
I don't understand why our dear friends grandmother, Granny Lee, suffered so long before she passed away this week.
I don't understand why some of our friends struggle to have children and then when they do, their celebration is shortly met with defeat.
I don't understand how a precious child like Kate Mcrae has suffered with tumors on her brain for almost two years. 

Most days I can rationally and spiritually 
explain to you why these things might happen. 
Most days I grasp the fact that death is a part of life. 
Most days. 
But not today. 

If I'm being honest.
Today I'm struggling.  


  1. Amen, I totally hear you. It's so hard to understand, and yet have faith all at the same time. Thanks for sharing your heart!

  2. Love you my sweet friend...life is hard to grasp somedays. Praising God for His faithfulness today.